2011 and 2012 are years that I could never forget, filled with extreme highs and extreme lows and absolutely nothing in-between (kind of like my weight). I found my forever person, I had a great job and I finally felt good about the direction my life was headed in (it only took 27 years….). And since all was going right, I guess the universe felt it was the perfect time to drop a massive bomb on me (note to self- remember to send the universe a nice thank you card for that).
In February of 2012, my beautiful sweet Nannie passed away. She was one of the most important women in my life and although it was not unexpected, it hurt like fucking hell. I went to see her 3 days before she passed and had the opportunity to sit and chat with her and we both said our goodbye’s, as I walked out of her hospital room- I knew it was for the last time, but my parents did not (my mom does not believe anyone is ever dying even after they have in fact died). They begged me to go with them to see her that weekend and I willing agreed. I woke up around 2 am that morning needing a drink and as I walked back into my bedroom, there she was, my Nannie, looking as beautiful as ever (spirit form was totally a good look for her) I asked her if she was gone and she shook her head yes and left me with an overwhelming sense of peace that I had never felt before. I still went to my parents’ house that morning and as I walked in I could see my father waiting to give his “hey kiddo, Nannie passed away speech” Before he could speak I sat down, very calmly (and with McDonald’s breakfast in hand) and said “ hi dad, I already know” a look of shock/anger washed over his face as he said “what do you mean, who told you, I told everyone not to tell you until you got here (I guess he forgot to tell Nannie not to tell me) without hesitation I said “ Nannie told me around 2 am” genuinely confused, he asked my mom what the time was that the hospital said she passed- when my mother replied “around 2am” I thought my father was going to throw-up.
The months that passed after were tough but I still felt that same sense of peace, I still felt her around me and she still sent me signs almost every day. As life started to fall back into place and the daily grind continued, I got a phone call that would change my life as I knew it. It was October of 2012, and once again, my father was preparing to tell me that someone else was dead- this time it was my other grandmother. My grandmother whom I lived with my entire life, the woman who helped raise me, the woman who I always felt the closest to (probably because she was bat shit crazy, extremely fancy, draped in diamonds and used the word fuck better than anyone else I have ever known) Her death was different, it was in fact unexpected, there was no goodbye, there was no sense of peace and there were zero signs from her (the only part that provided some peace was that she died topless – which is exactly how I would like to go out…oh wait, she also died on my parents 35th wedding anniversary- which, if you know my family personally, that’s pretty damn funny – PPS, 35 years earlier she wore a white dress to their wedding!).
I was broken and slowly driving down the dark scary road of depression. I decided to walk into a bookstore one day on my way to work and started to browse the self-help section, as I slowly strolled down the aisle, a book fell off of the shelf (ahhh do you have chills right now?) and without even looking to see what it was, I bought it (I am literally a retailer’s dream). The book was called “Spirited” by psychic medium, Rebecca Rosen (I highly recommend this book and no, this is not a paid advertisement, although I will accept payment for it). When I got home that night I immediately started reading but felt no particular way and after an hour or so, I was over it. My husband came home and asked me what I was doing and as I started to tell him about the book, the lights in our bedroom started to dim (I swear this really happened, you can totally ask him). Obviously, I freaked out and told him to leave the room immediately because I needed to meditate (I had never meditated before, in fact, I could not even spell the word meditate). My husband (who was only my boyfriend at the time) looked genuinely concerned for my mental health but he obliged and left the room. I started to read through the first meditation in the book and just as I felt like I was really getting the hang of it, I was rudely interrupted…. by 3 of my husband’s grandparents…who were allllllll dead! For the next 45 minutes I spoke to them, relaying information back to my husband whose face was now completely white and covered with shock. He started recording the conversation and you can literally hear me saying “I don’t know what’s happening, please don’t break-up with me” (for those of you concerned, he did not break up with me- in fact, that sucker married my crazy ass a year after this happened – and agreed to go halfsies with me on a kid ) little did I know this was just the beginning and that would become my first reading………
Stay tuned for my next entry in which I describe my initial reaction to my new “gift” and my thoughts around truly believing that god made a HUGE mistake!!
h0lyshift 